Senate Unveils NASA’s Budget: A Flat Line More Boring Than My EKG
Well, folks, it seems the Senate has finally revealed NASA’s budget for the year, and let me tell you, it’s as flat as the Earth… according to some conspiracy theorists. Yes, amidst concerns about the Mars Sample Return Mission, our beloved Senate has decided to keep NASA’s budget as stagnant as a pond in the middle of summer.
Flat Budget, High Hopes
Despite the fact that NASA’s budget hasn’t seen a bump since the last time I went to the gym (which was, let’s be honest, a while ago), the space agency is still expected to pull off the Mars Sample Return Mission. You know, just a small task of fetching some rocks from another planet. No biggie.
“We’re confident that NASA can achieve this mission with the budget we’ve provided,” said a Senate spokesperson, probably while sipping on a $5 latte and scrolling through their vacation photos on Mars.
Concerns? What Concerns?
Of course, there are some minor concerns about the mission. You know, like the fact that we’re trying to retrieve samples from a planet that’s about 140 million miles away. Or the fact that we’re not entirely sure what we’ll find. But hey, who needs a budget increase when you’ve got good old-fashioned American optimism, right?
And Now, A Word From Our Sponsors
Before we continue, let’s take a moment to thank our sponsors, who are probably also wondering why they’re funding a news show that spends so much time talking about space rocks. But don’t worry, dear sponsors, we promise to spend just as much time discussing your products as we do pondering the mysteries of the universe.
Back to the Budget
So, what does this flat budget mean for NASA? Well, it means they’ll have to tighten their space belts and get creative. Maybe they can start a bake sale. Or a car wash. I hear Martian dust is hell on a paint job.
And Now, A Word From Our Rapper
And now, to end this segment, we’ve got a special treat for you. Our resident gangsta rapper has penned a little ditty about the NASA budget. Take it away, MC Space Cadet!
“Yo, NASA’s budget is flat, ain’t got no fat,
Senate says, ‘Deal with that.’
But we’re going to Mars, ain’t no turning back,
Even if our budget is whack.
So here’s to the stars, here’s to the unknown,
Here’s to the seeds that we’ve sown.
And even if our budget ain’t grown,
We’ll make it to Mars on our own.”
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