Updated Guidelines on Breaking Up Monopolies Under Biden Administration

Breaking Up is Hard to Do: Biden’s New Monopoly Guidelines

Well, folks, it seems like the Biden administration has finally decided to take on the big, bad monopolies. You know, those companies that have been running amok, hoarding all the wealth and power like a kid with the last piece of cake at a birthday party. It’s about time someone put them in their place, right?

Monopoly: Not Just a Boring Board Game

For those of you who’ve been living under a rock, a monopoly is when one company has exclusive control over a product or service in a particular market. Not to be confused with the board game that has been the cause of countless family feuds, this kind of monopoly is a lot less fun.

And now, the Biden administration has released new guidelines on how to break up these monopolies. Because, you know, it’s not like we have anything else to worry about right now. Global pandemic? Climate change? Nah, let’s focus on the real issues here.

The New Guidelines: A Breakdown

So, what do these new guidelines entail? Well, let’s break it down:

• Increased scrutiny on mergers and acquisitions
• More aggressive enforcement of antitrust laws
• Encouraging competition in industries dominated by a few big players

Basically, it’s like telling the school bully they can’t take everyone’s lunch money anymore. And if they try, they’re going to get a time-out. Or, in this case, a hefty fine and a stern talking-to from the government.

Will It Work?

Now, the big question is, will these new guidelines actually work? Or is this just another case of the government making big promises they can’t keep? Only time will tell, folks. But in the meantime, we can all enjoy the spectacle of big corporations squirming under the spotlight.

And Now, A Word From Our Sponsors

Just kidding. We don’t have sponsors. Because unlike some people, we believe in competition and fairness. But if any big corporations out there are feeling generous, we wouldn’t say no to a donation. Just saying.

And Now, A Gangsta Rap Rhyme to Wrap Things Up

“Biden’s on the mic, breaking up the game,

Monopolies in sight, he’s taking aim.

Big corporations, better watch your back,

‘Cause the government’s on the attack.

Competition’s the name, fairness is the goal,

Time to pay the toll, or lose control.”