Elon Musk’s Brother’s Farming Startup: A Tale of Wilted Greens
In a turn of events that’s as surprising as a Tesla spontaneously combusting, Kimbal Musk’s farming startup, Square Roots, has decided to close most of its locations. Yes, you heard it right. The brother of the man who wants to colonize Mars can’t seem to grow lettuce on Earth.
From Space Rockets to Salad Rockets
Kimbal Musk, the lesser-known Musk brother, decided to swap space rockets for salad rockets and ventured into the world of urban farming. His startup, Square Roots, aimed to bring fresh, local produce to city dwellers by growing greens in shipping containers.
But alas, it seems the lettuce leaves have wilted. The company announced it’s closing most of its locations, leaving us to wonder if perhaps Kimbal should have stuck to rocket science.
Not Quite the Green Thumb
Square Roots was a bold venture, promising to revolutionize urban farming. But it seems the only thing it’s revolutionized is the way to fail spectacularly.
The company’s mission was to empower the next generation of farmers. But it seems the only thing they’ve empowered is the next generation of sarcastic news anchors.
Elon Musk’s Reaction
Elon Musk, the tech billionaire and part-time Twitter troll, has yet to comment on his brother’s farming fiasco. But we’re sure he’s busy drafting a tweet that will somehow blame this on the SEC, short sellers, or maybe even the Martians.
What’s Next for Square Roots?
As for the future of Square Roots, it’s as uncertain as the release date of the next Tesla model. But one thing’s for sure: the urban farming industry won’t be the same without its most famous (or infamous) player.
Parting Words
In the spirit of this farming fiasco, let’s end with a little rap:
“Square Roots, you tried to grow,
But your greens, they didn’t show.
Elon’s rockets, they may fly,
But your lettuce, it did die.
So here’s a tip, from me to you,
Stick to what you know is true.
Space may be the final frontier,
But farming, it’s clear, ain’t your career.”
Tags: Elon Musk, Kimbal Musk, Square Roots, urban farming, startup failure, Tesla, farming startup, lettuce, greens, urban agriculture.
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